Today I got asked again if I was disabled....again. How the crap do I answer that. So I asked if that meant legally, like on social security. The woman said not necessarily, but it had to be documented by a doctor....So I said yes. Yes, I am disabled. I figured it might not be every damn day, but there are definitely some days that I am disabled and damn it my doctor better back me up on that shit.

Lately, I've been having a lot of mental/emotional ups and downs. The last 2 days have been great. I feel better. I have more energy. I still look like shit, but I'm really trying to let it bother me less. I've also decided to start therapy...again, starting tonight. I've switched over and I'd say I'm like 80% Gluten Free now and I don't know if that has made a difference or if my medications are really starting to work now or maybe a combo of both...but the colitis department is slowly getting better. I actually slept through the night last night. OH MAN! I've also put myself on a diet until Thanksgiving. I love to eat and I refuse to deny myself Thanksgiving, but until then its Boost shakes and healthy dinners. Honestly, I love Boost shakes, they taste awesome, they are Gluten Free, and I really do think they give me more energy. They should give them to me for free because I talk so awesomely about them.

Anyway. I was really in one helluva rut there for a while and I'm really trying to make some positive changes. I didn't really feel depressed but I noticed I was having more and more breakdowns, so I just decided to do whatever I can to pull myself out. That means therapy, a haircut, Boost shakes and working out again. Working out is the tough one. I still can't really do a whole lot, can't work hard, can't work very long. But damn it, I'm tired of feeling so awful ALL the time. Its time to be proactive.

I'm tired of waiting around until the doctor says that I can get off these medications. I keep thinking once I'm off then, I'll feel better, look better and so on but the reality is it wouldn't kill me to try to do all of that now. I may have to put in more effort to do it, but I can't let myself get lost in a depression. I dont have the time, money, or energy to pull myself out of that. So heres to taking life by the proverbial balls.