I have talked previously about spiritual healing and how I have gone to see a Shaman and have them "heal" me. The woman that I went to see was a total nut job and I spent about and hour and like $60 trying not to laugh.  I didn't go back.

Well, the guy who referred me to her is now an official Shaman. I'd like to think I'm a pretty rational, logical human being, so naturally believing in spiritual healing is a little tough for me. But this person who does the healing is a family friend, and a totally normal, rational guy. Someone who functions in life like a real person, owns a business, is an ophthalmologist and a general cool person to be around. And he believes in this stuff. Hes been to Peru countless times to train with traditional Shamans and whatnot. Its hard to have someone like this in your life who is asking to help you and to keep denying them. Hes approached me countless times to see if I'd like his help/guidance or anything. And at this point...what do I have to lose? I'm on medications that are making me crazy, fat, ugly, and sicker in some senses. How can I say no?

So last night I met up with him for my first session. Now I use the term "first" merely as a numerical marker because its not like this is a multiple session scam thing. Its not like I have to come back for 20 sessions and get the 21st free. His name is Dr. Bill, this is his website Soaring Sage. Even Dr. Bill acknowledges that many people can't get over the hocus pocus aspect of all of this, and while every part of my logical being wants to laugh at it all, you can't help but deny that you do feel something while your experiencing a "healing".  It is quite possible that I am making myself feel this way. That I am in essence "healing" myself, but if he is the catalyst for that, I am all for it.

Dr. Bill's girlfriend, Gloria is also a healer. They have never done healing together, but last night he felt that he needed her there to help.  Apparently my shit is so effed up that he needed to pull in the reinforcements. Before we start we talk very briefly about my life. He doesn't ask too many question, and he doesn't want to know a whole lot. He emphasizes that healing is all about energy and that he can feel energy around the subject of Family and Kids, and that it is a sore spot in my life. Hm. Nice work. I give him a bit of this information but he pretty much nails that I'm intensely conflicted about these things. So I lie down on the couch in Dr. Bill's house and he tells me to focus on my breathing. In through the nose, out through the mouth, so I close my eyes and do just that. He didn't tell me to close my eyes but I figured watching them would be totally weird and uncomfortable. I'm breathing, and I dont know if you've ever tried to really focus on your breathing...but its kinda hard sometimes. I kept losing my rhythm. They put on some music, and I use that term loosely because it wasn't like a cd of Yanni or something but it was traditional drumming and some other instruments that were totally awesome. I almost asked for a copy because it was the most calming thing I've ever heard. It wasn't constant like music is, but it put me in this state of sedation and meditation. Mind you...this is me we're talking about here. Skeptic. Cynic. Non spiritual Biotch. So while you're all calling me crazy, just remember I might be calling myself crazy.

So anyway. I hear Dr Bill calling or praying or something to some ancient spirits. Some of his words are English, some are not. I can hear my name. I can hear somethings that we talked about before hand but mostly I'm half listening, half trying to breathe. I can also hear his breathing, which in the beginning throws me off because its very heavy and very controlled but after awhile it becomes soothing and calming just like the music. Now during this I have no clue what is going on, they are not touching me they are not talking, I'm just laying there breathing away. I keep getting body chills and tingles and it feels like I can tell where they are waving their hands but I'm not sure because my eyes are closed. Then I feel them lay some healing stones on me. Now these are just rocks, but for some reason they believe in the power of the energy or whatever of these rocks. So they place a bunch on my torso, one on each hand and one on my forehead. Dr. Bill then sits down behind me and places his hand under my head and just puts slight pressure there. Nothing uncomfortable, in fact it was kinda nice. And we sat like that for a long time.

Then he got up, and I'm assuming he did some more hand waving and whatnot and again it felt like I could feel where he was even though he wasn't touching me. He did this for awhile, came back touched my head again for awhile. He then stood up, and removed the stones from my body. Now heres the part that even I don't really believe. When he lifted the stones i felt like he was taking things out when they lifted. Like a weight was being lifted. Crazy..cooky..I know, I know. But those spots they were touching felt lighter after he removed them. I'm not saying he took out my pain, or illness or whatnot but when he removed the stones (which were not that big), they felt heavier than when he put them down, and I for one, would love to believe that he removed some bad energy or some shit. So I'm going with it. Like I said, I've reached a point where I'm willing to try anything. And if convincing myself this will work..works...then what is wrong with it?

So after a while he whispers to me that we're done and to take my time and sit up and stuff. So I take a minute, sit up and look around and they are both sorta staring at me, but its not weird. In fact its nice. They are attentive and are clearly interested to see how I felt and what I thought. He began to talk about essentially what he learned from the session. Basically, long story short there is a power struggle in my life. BINGO! He nailed it. I was just having this conversation yesterday, which is pretty amazing. He asked me if any thoughts came up while the healing was going on, and I told him of a really random memory that came up. We talked more about the power struggle and why its there, why I allow it, and how I can mend it. He asked me what makes me happy, and gave me "homework" to do those things and also to create space in my life in order to regain my power. He told me to think about the problems that I'm having, while I'm doing things that make me happy and maybe I will get some answers. All of this sounds so flaky but truly, its dead on. He said that they've found that within a few days of a session, you will often be challenged, and will have to make important decisions. About this time my phone ding dongs which means I got a new text.  And a few minutes later, he said maybe there is a message on your phone that will force you to implement what we're talking about. So we chat, I learn some things and then I get ready to leave. Part of my wants to ignore the message and drive home in silence just thinking about the session and creating space in my life. But I'm a glutton for technology and immediately check it and return the call. But he was right...immediately I was put in a position to make a decision about "my power". Within 5 seconds of walking out his door. And he was right.. I was conflicted...I chuckled because it was ironic and slightly silly. But he was right. So I made the choice to create space. Half of me didn't want the space, but the other half chose to follow the "homework" and see how it goes. I'm going to do what Dr. Bill has suggested like the way that I follow my doctors, or the way that I'm considering going gluten free. I will give it a chance, and if it doesn't work, I lose nothing. In fact, I might just gain a few things...including really long blog entries.

How do I feel today? My stomach hurts like hell, I'm kinda tired, and I would love nothing more than to go home and crawl under a blanket on my couch with my dog. He never claimed to fix me. I never thought he would. BUT do I feel more positive? Yes. Do I feel like I have a new technique and a new drive and maybe a way to right some of the wrongs that I'm dealing with? Yes, in fact I do. I look at my session with a Shaman like a massage. It made me feel good, so maybe I'll continue to do it, even if my muscles get tense again.