Well today I go to my clinical trial doc to start drugs.  Why does this feel so damn anti-climactic for me? So much so that I even forgot to tell my Mom that I was accepted into the study.  I suppose this should feel like a big deal, but it just doesn't. Instead of one great leap for MS-kind, I just feel that its more like just a 40 minute car ride.

I have a problem with surprises, have my whole life. I was the kid who snooped for christmas presents, and constantly read my sisters diary. So the idea of being on  clinical trial and not know what I'm taking is more than annoying. It is more annoying that there isn't even a doctor I can manipulate into telling me. The fact that we're all running around blind is also annoying.

Pardon me for my excessive negativity. I'm just really jaded lately by doctors and the whole medical system. Much like everyone else, I wonder when things will actually start working for me. Perhaps when doctors will start listening, and be less concerned with getting your copay. I wish, just for once, the doctor who treated you, could experience what you do. Then perhaps things would be just a tad more urgent.