Sexy time. 05/06/2009
 

So I did a little snippet in the old newsletter about sex and MS, and its sorta important so lets revisit. Lets talk about sex, baby.  So if you're my mom, or some other family member and this weirds you out...stop reading now. We're going to talk about the problems women with MS face, and give some possible solutions in an  attempt to save our sex lives.  The number one issue reported is loss of libido. Which is probably no news to you.  The next complaint is vaginal dryness and loss of ability to orgasm. Which if there is one way to kill a mood it’s a dry va-jay jay, with a side of no orgasm. To top it all off there is always that really cool possibility of losing bladder control during your orgasm if you can even get to that point. So what do we do about it?  Well you could swear off sex forever, but I’m going to guess that’s not going to work for any man (or woman, I don't judge) in your life. But how do you explain to your man (or woman, again, no judging) that it’s hard to get in the mood, and even if you get there your hoo-ha might not be on board and you’re afraid that you might pee all over them even if you do get to orgasm.

Well you can start by simply explaining that MS can impair the nerves in your vagina, which then makes it difficult to respond to sexual stimuli.  Or you cannot explain that, and stock up on your favorite lubricant and make sure to use a lot of it. In most cases when women report that lubricants are not working for them, it is because they aren’t using enough.  Applying lubricant can be a bit of a downer (unless you're all freaky like that) but choose between having a wrecked mood for a minute or completely breaking off the whole deal.

As for dealing with a low libido there aren’t really any great quick fixes. There are a few drugs you can take to up your sex drive, and there is always counseling for your relationship.  I don’t necessarily think that counseling will help, its not like you’re not attracted to your partner and you need to rekindle things but rather your body is rejecting the idea of sex.  There is also no great way to deal with bladder control.  The best option is to make sure you go to the bathroom right before sex.   I’m sure there is some drug you can take to help this too, but if you’re like me, you pick and choose your drugs to keep them minimal.

Also its my opinion that the more sex you have, the more sex you want.  We get so self-conscious about our bodies and all of the crazy stuff that could happen or could go wrong that we totally take yourself out of the mood.  If we just let go and let our partners do their job they will be happier and in the long run hopefully you will too.  Also as embarrassing as it is, talk to your doctor. These are the people we talk to about bladder and bowel incontinence, we shouldn’t be afraid to talk about out lacking sex lives. 

And not to brag or anything, but I don't really have any of these problems, so I'm by no means the authority on fixing MS related problems while doing the dirty. So if you have something that works, or something you heard from a friend of a friend, comment. Let others know.

We are women in our 20s to 30s (and even all you old ladies out there deserve some good bumpin') ; there is no reason that our sex lives should be suffering.  We have the rest of our lives to have bad sex...

 


Comments

Dana

Wed, 06 May 2009 08:43:39

Sex!! Hellz yeah.

 

Lisa Emrich

Wed, 06 May 2009 22:14:00

Cough...ahem....watch it there little chickie. From one lady who's only 8 months the other side of 39, be aware that it only gets better as you get older. Trust me, 40 ain't old either.

 

Jackie

Thu, 07 May 2009 11:56:19

OOOH SNAP!

 

Emms

Sun, 10 May 2009 15:12:47

Well - thanks for the post. On a serious note, I will say that you have touched on an area that I have struggled with, and told no-one (except of course, my husband).

I scold myself for not blogging about it, as the purpose of my blog is to share my experiences...but it still seems like a taboo topic (and I personally know a number of the people who read my blog, and I'm just not comfortable with opening my bedroom door to them).

Any-hoo - I went months with orgasm difficulties. All I could do, and all the advice that I have is this: there is more to sex than the big "O", and be honest with your partner!

 

Leon

Mon, 11 May 2009 01:56:46

It is not just a problem for you girls, us guys with MS have our problems also. But the end result is about the same. The lack of interest in sex. Because of the nerve problems, it is sometimes difficult for a guy to get an erection. Luckily there are many drugs available for that problem (and I get offers for them in my email daily ;-) ) But still there's the taboo thing.

I still feel awkward when going to the pharmacy with a prescription for Cialis, or even asking for a follow up prescription at the doctor's office.

But I also agree with Emms, there is more to sex that the big "O" .. Coming from a guy that may be hard to believe, but it is!

 

Robin

Thu, 14 May 2009 13:21:02

Well..I can agree and sympathize with the issues, not so easy to get to the bit O and bladder accidents. What finally ended up happening for me was (and suggest that for all those it might apply to) to go see an urologist (they will do testing) and ultimately I ended taking a med to help with urge incontinence, but ALSO am now self-cathing and believe me I resisted it BIG time. BIG mistake. Finally started cathing and you know what? The accident ratio plummeted. Cath before sex and no more oops pee problem.. My BF was very acceepting because I DID do that a LOT when I got to the big O in the past but I cannot remember the last time that happened since cathing. The other thing when its getting harder to reach that O? Use a vibrator - it helps provide more direct stimulation and it's rare that I don't get there these days. My BF is really understnding about it all, knows that it is NOT a reflection on him. Both of us are pretty happy with our intimate life these days, yes there is more to sex than the big O, but it IS possible to work around it, find what you need.

 

Jackie

Fri, 15 May 2009 06:06:27

Thanks Ladies and Leon for talking about this stuff. No one else talks candidly about it.

Hopefully people will feel less weird about all this jazz when they see they are not alone.

 

Bobby

Wed, 20 May 2009 01:19:14

I hear ya Leon! I have had MS since Feb of 07 and sex has been a bitch since then! It's hard to get in the mood, but when I do and we are going at it, I get dizzy. So we have to stop so my brain can "reboot". :) Thank you Jackie for this great topic that needs to be talked about.

 



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