I have such a fascination with faith and spirituality. In thinking about faith there is inevitably this idea of meaning which translates into every aspect of ones life. After all, our world religions seemed to evolve out of this need to make sense of everything. So many people rely on their respective religion or belief systems to find this meaning. Some of life's toughest questions are supposedly answered, or at least the fear they bring out, quelled, by ones beliefs. I sometimes feel a little envious of people who are able to give themselves over to their faith. How great would that be, to truly believe something? It is hard for me to wrap my mind around doing this for myself, simply because I can't put all my faith into any one religion. I see pieces of all of them which are valid, even if some of them have some pretty shoddy redeeming qualities. 

Obviously one of the ways in which religion and faith come in awfully handy is during times of trial. Obviously for many of us this has come in the form of MS, among other things. These questions that I had before the diagnosis are now magnified. What really is the purpose of my life? And no, I don't think I'll figure it out by reading The Purpose Driven Life. Seriously though, how am I making meaning? Hypothetically speaking, if I had a faith that I was strong in, would I be handling any of this better? In a perfect world maybe a Bible verse or a lesson from the Qur’an would help snap me out of my bubble of self pity, but alas they are nothing but interesting written works, at least from where I'm standing. And furthermore, maybe it's a little presumptuous to assume that this is all it takes for a Christian or Muslim to find comfort. Maybe their comfort comes from something far deeper than just their sacred texts. I suppose it is this sort of faith that I envy, for lack of a better term. I find myself completely irritated with people who cheapen their faith by praising God every time they take a shit, or wake up and find the sky is blue for instance.

So I joined this forum called "Patients Like Me" shortly after my diagnosis, and it definitely helped me answer some important questions, as well as reminded me that I wasn't the only person in the world with MS. As Jackie mentioned in her post with various links however, there are a ton of "Bible thumpers" on the site. It seems there were a lot of "pray for such and such" and "God bless yous" being thrown around. A lot. I replied to a post made by a younger guy who I believe was atheist, who was sort of complaining about the overabundance of religiosity on the site. He was wondering if there was any place out there for MSers who weren't religious. I remember making some reply about the importance of faith as a coping skill so to speak, for those who have it anyway. But I suppose he is right, what about people who don't have faith or belief in religion. I guess I'm not really asking where we're supposed to go for support, but moreso where do we find our strength, if it isn't in Jesus or God or Muhammad or Buddha or some good old fashioned Sunday fellow-shipping? And on the flip side of this, how many of us are finding ourselves thinking more about our beliefs or lack thereof since being diagnosed? I wonder how much my having real faith in God or what have you would change the way I'm dealing with shit lately?  

 

Leave a Reply