Shortly after diagnosis, I found out about the MS walk. Being that I have so much time on my hands these days, I got all excited about having a project to work on. Fundraising being that project. So I made up some sweet flyers and sent them out to family and friends, and ended up raising almost three hundred. I probably could have worked a little harder to raise more, but I was a-okay with the total donation. Upon over-thinking the whole deal, I became sort of irritated with myself that I got all gung-ho on this thing so shortly after my diagnosis. It sort of became more of a reason to talk to people about my MS, which was irritating on a few different levels. I go back and forth between feeling okay with sharing it with people, and then kicking myself in the head for having said anything. I'm not talking with family and friends, but people who aren't part of my everyday. Either way, what's done is done, and I know the only one who is over analyzing this is me. Narcissism to the extreme.
Anyway, I found myself somewhat nervous/irritated at having to be at this event today. This last week has been one of the more difficult for me in recent times, in terms of my emotions. I seriously feel for people who are bi-polar, because this is how I've felt. I have made an ass of myself with friends, I have cried at work, I have been a total jerk to my boyfriend, I have just been an all around nutter. I am seeing a light at the end of the tunnel here however, and honestly I feel like the walk today has sorta helped me start peeping my head out of this blanket of funk.
So once I got to the event site, I was immediately relieved to see that there were plenty of people there. It wasn't as if I had to join some drum circle or god forbid, introduce myself to people. It was totally laid back. I turned in my cash envelope, got my sweet ass shirt, and picked up a hot pink squishy brain courtesy of the Providence Brain Institute, which is where I go now. Woo! My mom, sister, niece and two of my awesome friends were there to walk with me. I saw a girl who was probably about my age, whose boyfriend was wheeling her around. Based on my awesome ability to "know" how cool someone is upon first glimpse (not really) she seemed super cool. She had sweet shoes on, what can I say? Anyhow, I was thinking that if I wasn't so anti-social and all around awkward these days, I would have tried to strike up a conversation with her. I had this fleeting daydream about having a friend here who I could get together and bitch with about MS, since I feel like I'm maxed out on bitch time with everyone else. Anyway.
So when we kicked off the actual walk, "Eye of the Tiger" was playing, which was great. I had a flashback of Andy singing this last month when I had my injection shit fit. It's the all time number one song to try and get one pumped up for just about anything. My sister has this hilarious dance that she does for this song, and I tried to get her to do it, but she refused. So the 5k wasn't terribly long, and we sort of had to cut in line a bit because the slow pace was driving me a little batty. We were done in just over a half hour, and I found myself almost wishing we weren't done just yet. Overall though it was perfect, short and sweet. I got in and got that shit done, and I'm glad I did. I was worried that I jumped into the Walk MS water a little too soon, but I don't think I did. I had fun and I definitely don't think I have any qualms about doing it again next year. I am excited to have one walk under my belt, and to know a little more what to expect next year.
