Warning: Really bad metaphor to follow. Control your vomit reflexes please.

So I had something happen to me last night that changed my views on things a bit. In order to help talk about this in the vaguest terms possible I'm going to use a giant lame-o metaphor. Its gonna be exciting.

I often talk about cards. What ones we get dealt, and when to play them, and as it turns out I'm a so-so poker player but I'm not really one to be giving advice about poker. But we all get dealt a hand in life. Some of the cards are shitty. We have MS cards, which we'll call a pair of 2s because that makes for a stupid poker hand...but at least its a pair. Its a constant, its something to count on in one way or another. Well lets say you're playing 5 card poker and you get a bunch of other off suit cards that don't help you do anything. Its a shitty hand, and that shitty hand will dictate the way you play your game in life. And I have been pissed about the hand that I got dealt for a long time.

And even when I drew 3 new cards I always expected shitty ones because that's what I was used to having. Deuces and a bunch of other shitty cards, no matter who was dealing. So here I am stuck with this shitty hand bound to lose.

BUT...last night something happened. Someone told me something, that I never considered. What if...a new game starts. What if periodically we get dealt a new hand? Maybe we will always have a pair of 2s but the other cards could all change. Maybe I get dealt 3 Aces after that. Just because you got bad cards before, doesn't always mean you will continue to do so.

And I don't understand why I never got this before, and why making lemonade out of lemons never crossed my mind. Sometimes we need to really start over, press the reset. We know we have MS, maybethat's our one guarantee. But nothing else is guaranteed to do well... or to fail. Not everything will suck because you had to fold your first poker hand at life. Maybe you need to fold your cards, think of it as a necessary loss, and get new freakin' cards. There are a ton of other winning hands available with a pair of twos, that maybe you're missing out on because you're not ready to fold. I gotta tell you...I learned. Fold the bad cards. Stop bluffing your way through things. Let go of the bad cards...Get a new hand.

And if you know nothing about cards...here's the cliffsnotes: Hate, Anger, and fear are all baggage. Let it go before you risk losing something worth keeping. Just because things have been bad for you 4 out of 5 times...that still leaves 1. It doesn't mean everything will always be bad.

Hey...I never claimed to know it all, (or be any good at metaphors), and maybe some of you out there already got this advice and took it before. But until someone broke it down for me, I couldn't see how to move on from the past.

Not only am I getting new cards...I'm buying a whole new effing deck. One of the nice ones, that are all slippery and have holes in the center and have a nice wooden engraved case with my name on it.


 


Comments

Tue, 14 Apr 2009 10:20:20

I didn't have to vomit at all....

I did have to fart, but that was purely coincidental, I hope :-)

 

Tue, 14 Apr 2009 12:23:17

Despite being a fairly avid poker player, I was having SOME trouble following along, but then you cleared it all up for me. I dig it, and I agree with it all. You're right: sometimes you have to make a strategic fold and there's nothing wrong with that.

Keep your hopes up, friend. I'll sure be thinking about you and praying for you (if you don't mind!)

Austin

PS - You and your clientele are entirely too comfortable with bodily functions. But I won't argue with the "princess!"

 

Tue, 14 Apr 2009 20:23:26

yeah I didnt really get the poker stuff cuz I dont play BUT I totally get the life stuff. I used to seriously track where I was in the five stages of grief and then get pissed off at myself for jumping around them CONTINUALLY. (I couldnt control my emotions for the first couple years after my dx) ANYWAYS, somebody told me that I 'needed to feel angry' and experience my emotions. So I was mad at them for a long time. I was mad at a lot of things for a long time.

'Respect yourself. Be okay with whatever you're feeling. And keep waking up and breathing.'

This is as far as I've gotten.... (ok so I got a new hand or two. went vegetarian. lost 100+ pounds, do yoga or walk daily -because I cant do anything more intense). I like my cards right now... but tonight the right side of my face starting tingling and going numb.

I promise I will be miffed if it's worse in the morning. And I'll be back to angry.

oh hey. random thought I was just about to finish but.. my MS symptoms get a lot worse when I let myself focus on negative emotions. I know it sounds like crap and I cant believe I'm typing this.. ugh so yoga must really be getting to me. I know it's not like that for everyone. It's just something I've observed about myself.

 



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