I have been going to the "fitness center" diligently. I have been working my proverbial ass off. I am in there 4 times a week, every week for the last 3 weeks. I have completely changed my eating habits. They still aren't great but I think they're much better.
I have a fruit based protein shake for Breakfast. A large lunch, essentially a salad and any other food I desire, but mostly something of the sandwich nature. I work out after work for almost 1.5 hours a session and then I go home and eat some yogurt with granola and maybe an apple or something. So, not a lot of calories, and my major intake is lunch. I kept feeling like crap after I'd get home from working out and eating a huge dinner at like 8pm so I changed it all around. It been working out great so far.....except....I'm pretty sure I'm just as fat as ever.
Now I'm not pulling the "I'm so fat" girl card. I'm seriously talking about being bigger than ever, and feeling like poop about it. The workouts I'm doing are harder than any other I've done. I'm doing them more often than I ever have, and I feel good about it and after it. The work outs are getting easier. I have not attempted that last class that made me feel like a fool again, but I will, someday.
Now I know its only been 3 weeks. And technically, I haven't weighed myself or measured anything. My weigh in is next week. But I was hoping to feel better, and maybe, just maybe see a SLIGHT difference. I'm not totally unrealistic with my weight loss goals, and I'm taking about 75% of the steps in the right direction, but its just feeling like its not working.
I hate to "blame" MS, because I could be totally making this all up, but damn it feels like its MUCH harder to lose weight in the last two years since diagnosis. I don't think its like a mental block, but its just like something is in the way. I have found it nearly impossible to drop the weight after IVSM treatments. I feel like my MS, is like baby weight. I just can't seem to work it off.
So I have this pair of pants that I talked about yesterday. Which in 2007 were literally falling off of me. I am now wearing these pants, and rocking a serious case of a muffin top, because they are the only nice pants I own that I could even Squuueeeezzzeee myself into. Embarrassing, but hey we all know I'm here for your amusement. Putting these pants on is like the biggest reminder to keep going to the gym. I hate muffin top. I hate having shit that doesn't fit. But at the same time, is it wrong for wanting them to fit at least a little?
Can I blame this on my lazy ass? Can I blame this on my MS? Why does it feel like no matter what I do, I have a one way ticket on the weight gain train. Choo Choo.
