I'm sure a few of you know who Stan on myspace is, he's the one with the "Angels of MS" or whatever. I personally have some negative feelings about Stan, but that aside, I suppose what he does for some people is a good thing. Anyway, a few years ago there was a post on his blog from a reader in a wheel chair who was talking about how shes having problems dating because people can't get over her wheel chair. She was barraged with comments like "If they can't see past the chair, they aren't good enough for you", "you don't want someone like that in your life anyway". All of which has little merit in my eyes, and quite frankly is a load of shit. So I went and commented all bullshit aside, and started a shit storm of people essentially telling me I'm full of crap. I don't remember exactly what I said, but it was something a long the lines of, remember what it was like for you before you were in the chair or before you had MS. Didn't you look? Didn't you stare? Didn't you think negative thoughts about the disabled people you saw? I think there are few people in this world who can actually look at someone disabled and not see their disability AT FIRST. I think many people learn to see past it, but in a passing glance, you will see the wheel chair. If you say you don't, you're bold face lying.
So I was thinking about this the other day, and about how I've seen some website out there for people who are disabled to meet other disabled people for romantic relationships. I've thought a lot about my personal future and the uncertainty it holds for me and anyone else in it. I think often about if I will be a burden on someone. If my disability takes over, will they stick it out with me? And for me, I often think that because I am physically weak, and even sometimes mentally weak, that there would have to be someone "strong" in the relationship. So, all that aside it lead me to wonder if I would ever date someone with a disability. Hell, could I date someone with MS? Oh man this is heavy. Initially I wanted to lie to myself and say, "Yes, of course I would. How could I discriminate against someone just like me. Golly gee, I wouldn't want someone to do that to me". But then I snapped my ass back into the reality of the world I live in and for me, the answer is no. Its not a definitive for sure no, but its a pretty big no. Here's why. I already look at myself as damaged goods, practically as a ticking time bomb. When will I "go off", meaning when will my whole body fall apart and fail me. That's a big responsibility for me, and anyone around me. How the hell could I possibly take care of someone else then, who is also falling apart? Call me a fatalist, sure, but I have a tenancy to explore worst case scenarios. Worst case would be both of us fall apart, and then we're both screwed because we don't have anyone to take care of us. Perfect situation is that no one has any major problems, we live happily ever after, and skip hand in hand through a garden of daisies while fairies whisper sweet spells of love and trust into our ears. Now you tell me which scenario is more likely?
I have heard it all from people about my relationship views. I already know whatever you feel compelled to tell me. I know I could date/marry someone who is healthy and then they get sick, or get into a car accident, or have a tragic fight with a buffalo. Yea yea yea. I got it, but the difference is I wouldn't be going into the relationship expecting a break down. There is a clear understanding in my system, you're the strong one, I'm the weak one. This is my roll,thats yours and we do our best to ignore them, but the reality is that this is how it is and will be.
Maybe if you dated someone with MS there would be more of an understanding for your symptoms and problems, but I still believe that someone has to be a backbone. You have to be able to pick each other up, (mentally and physically), and if you're both rockin' wheelchairs, and are hooked up to IVs all the time, I just don't see it being possible.
I am hella thankful that I have a boyfriend who is capable of looking past my MS. Sometimes I think he even sees straight through it. I don't know if I am a good enough person to do that. But we play our rolls very successfully. Hes the big strong man, and I'm the smart ass diseased girl. I don't feel belittled, or like I'm missing out on anything. I'm glad I'm not dating a wussy dude. I'm not into dating dudes that act like women. Man up, damn it. I don't know if at this point in my life, I could take on someone, like me. I am a pain the ass aside from my MS.
Perhaps I'm an eternal pessimist, or I'm "too young" to understand or some shit like that. Or perhaps I'm one of the few who isn't afraid to say, "I think this way, even if it isn't politically correct".
