So today marks week seven of being on Avonex. After my horrid shot experience with week five, in which I called upon the nursing expertise of my neighbor to inject me, I am back on track as of last week. I have been practicing on an orange *almost* everyday, and I guess maybe that's helped a little. My neighbor came over both last week and this week to sit with me, and honestly, if she hadn't, I think I would have been in probably the same boat as week five. My big issue is that once I get my needle on, I sort of get it close to my leg, and freeze. Something I did a little differently today that seemed to work pretty well, was simply not looking as the needle went in. I just sort of place it where it needed to go, took a few deep breaths, and focused on the wall in front of me as I injected. My blood was definitely pumping, the heart rate was accelerated, but the longer I wait, the worse it gets. Ugh. I'm glad it's over, and next week will be the real test, since I won't have her nursing eyes here giving me the added pressure I need to just flipping do it. Overall, I do have faith in myself, I know I can do it. I think I've just mentally built it up to be this thing that's big and scary, which is strange, given the ease I had during the first few shots. Thankfully it's only once a week, which Jackie pointed out as the perk. Definitely the one and only perk.
Tomorrow morning I go in for my first follow up since starting the Avonex. I am interested whether or not it will really be worth my time/money. I don't want to be one of those people that tirelessly complains about how useless their doctor is, but honestly, the neurologist I'm seeing right now seems pretty useless. He couldn't answer any of the questions I had for him at the last appointment. He sort of just likes to make things black and white, yes or no. He also enjoys answering questions by simply bobbing his head up and down, or back and forth. If there is anything that I have learned about MS thus far, it isn't flipping black and white. It seems to me there's an awful lot of grey area here. Acknowledgement would be nice. Anyhow, perhaps I'll go in tomorrow and he'll knock my socks off, if not with personality, then at least with some inkling of doctorly know how. I am crossing my fingers that my uber busy specialist will not re-re-schedule my appointment again, which is now set for April 14th.
On another note, my mom dropped by out of the blue today, and she was all teary. She had been listening to Dr. Laura, whom she knows I LOATHE with a passion. There was a male caller who was 26, who called in for (ugh) Dr. Laura's advice. So he was diagnosed with MS, and he was wondering if it was right of him to continue to pursue finding a relationship, given the possibilities of disability in the future. My mom was seriously torn up after listening to this, which left me mildly depressed as well. I know that I haven't been diagnosed for very long, but I do remember the first month being the absolute worst for me, as far as fear and anxiety. I knew it would get better, and it has, although I'm by no means whatsoever "fear free" when it comes to my future. Is it possible to ever be completely free of fear when you live with a disease that can come and go, and hit you totally out of left field? I don't think so.
Anyhow, I "secondhandly" felt super bad for this dude. Seriously, it's hard enough being an openly emotional girl, and dealing with this. Being the free spirit I am with relaying my true feelings, I really haven't been 100% open with anyone in terms of future fears, except for with my boyfriend and mom, and jackie of course. I wonder what sort of support system this guy has. If he was calling Dr. Laura for advice, I'm thinking he might need more people to talk to and confide in, and I'm not talking "internet hugs" or some crap like that. This dude needs to be heard, and needs somebody to tell him that he's totally normal for feeling the way he feels. My answer would simply be that there is no reason he shouldn't continue to pursue finding a relationship following his diagnosis. He may not find a cool chick right off the bat, who is willing to date someone with MS, but I believe he will eventually. And once he does, nothing is written in stone, MS or no MS. I don't think any of us can map out our future the way we want, in terms of the relationships we have now, and the ones that have yet to begin. We can work to make them the best they can be, and this is all we can do. I'm sure there's better advice out there, but in my sleepy Avonex haze, this is the best I can do.
