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Hello peoples I am Dana, friend of Jackie, and collaborator on this blog. I have truly flaked out on writing, and I'm sure I could list off a bunch of excuses, but i'll go ahead and spare anyone who is actually reading this. In order to get myself back in the groove of contributing here, I am just going to sort of update/ramble. Here goes nothing... So I spent an interesting summer house hunting, and my boyfriend and I are now finally in our new home. I can definitely say the energy that it took to find/buy/move into/begin minor renovations has truly been...grueling. On the same note it's been totally rewarding and all that cliche-buying your first home-bullshit. I have a really awesome neighbor who is nearing eighty, living alone, and certified schizophrenic. She has decided that I am her new best friend, so I've taken to sticking post it notes on my front door which read "do not disturb" when I truly cannot deal with crazy babble coming from an elderly lady in her granny panties (no, i'm totally serious). Sometimes this actually works, although posting notes on my door makes me feel a little crazy as well. Even though crazy old neighbor lady is totally endearing sometimes, I remain slightly leery given her fragile mental state. Speaking of fragile mental states, I could probably touch on my own, but I'll save that for another post. 

So I have also just begun school again, as was the plan pre-diagnosis. While I won't say that MS has totally overhauled my plans, I have made a change in my major as well as decided to completely finish my degree online. Both my doctor and my neuropsychologist had suggested that I take school quite slow, and against my better (yes, better) judgement, I am only taking eight credits this term. I have already found myself wishing for a bit more to do, so needless to say, lesson learned. At the same time, there is that little issue of not quite knowing what one day to the next will bring, and tomorrow I might be thanking my lucky stars for so few classes. The unexpected twists and turns in how I am feeling has been by far the most irritating part of this disease for me. I am still working a humble three days a week at the coffee shop, which is the least I have worked in my seven (yes, seven) years there. When I space out on whether I have charged someone, or work to get some flipping straws through lid (who even drinks coffee with straws?) I just make a big fat joke about how I'm getting too old for this job or I've had too much caffeine. Laughter is the best medicine, although some people have shit for a sense of humor. To those people, I smile and make a secret wish that they spill coffee on their crotch. 

 
 

I am now on day three of taking my little "pep" pills, as they have been affectionately termed by others. This of course would be the wonder drug I was hearing so much about, Provigil. MInd you the term "wonder drug" was used by my local news-channel in a story they did about  it *gasp* possibly being overused/prescribed.  Anyway I used my cold virus this week as an excuse to stall starting it for a few days. My feelings towards symptom therapy for myself, are pretty inhibited. I really want to try my hardest to stay as UNmedicated in this regard, for as long as I can. The majority of my physical symptoms are just irritating sensory issues that are currently manifesting in a small variety of ways each day. The fatigue however, is something that is both new and completely unwelcome. I generally hit a wall at a certain part of the day. Not only does the body want to shut down, but the brain starts processing in all sorts of wrong ways. If you got the MS bug, you know what I'm talking about. It isn't just a "boohoo I'm sleepy" sort of thing. I can safely say that I used to think people who complained about "fatigue" were really just big babies. I absolutely never understood it until I experienced it. 

Back to the issue at hand here. I am taking 100 mg one time daily. I make sure to take it in the morning, because otherwise it could mess up my sleep. I definitely don't need any added help in the "losing sleep" department. I have heard from others that are on it, that if you do two doses a day, you should make sure to take the second dose early in the afternoon. I have noticed a dull headache the last few mornings, which may be courtesy of the Provigil. They are quite similar in fact to the dull headache I have for a day or two after my Avonex shot, and it isn't anything that a few Tylenol won't fix. Other than this, I have noticed that I do need to make sure I'm eating every couple of hours, otherwise I get a little queazy/shaky/weak thing going on. Both of these issues are totally manageable, and may not even be side effects at all.   

So on day one, I definitely began noticing a little increased energy within a few hours. I took the pill shortly after getting to work, and normally Fridays (which are actually my Mondays) are a total energy zap for me. I start my day before five in the morning, and generally get home shortly before two in the afternoon. As pointed out by my doctor, the multi-tasking involved with the job is a bit taxing on my wavering brain at this time. I sometimes think it isn't so much the physical aspect of my job that wipes me out, so much as the mental. I'm only making coffee, not performing brain surgery or anything, but it's become pretty taxing as of late. This has been a bit of a blow to the self esteem, considering this was a job I did with complete ease for over six years. So these days when I get home from work, I really need some down time before I get going on anything. I don't really want to converse with anyone, and doing a worthwhile job on anything else for the day seems pretty daunting. I generally feel like I finish out my days after work in a sort of glazed over stupefied state. Long story short, I got home from work on Friday, and I was like chatty fucking kathy. I couldn't stop talking, and I was even beginning to annoy myself. I could tell my boyfriend was a little shocked. I headed out the door for a doctor appointment, went grocery shopping, and basically had boundless energy the entire day. It was truly magnificent. 

Day two was a little less dramatic than day one, and perhaps there could have been a little placebo effect happening previously. Either way, I made it through a super effing busy day at work, and came home without feeling completely wiped out. I didn't feel like I needed time to just shut down completely and try to restart (like a terrible PC). Here I am now at day three, and I am still feeling pretty great. I am not doing jumping jacks in place by any means, but I'm awake and a quite a bit more clear headed than I would normally be on a day like today. I have read that Provigil hasn't just helped create more "wakefulness" in people, but has also improved their ability to think more clearly. So, shaazam. Sugar pill effect or not, I'm please. 

I shouldn't exactly count my eggs too soon here though, it's only day three. In the life of a medication, that's like a nanosecond. Either way I'm hoping these results continue, and perhaps I'll get my ass back on that treadmill. Apparently I've packed on a few LB's in the last few months. 

 
 

I hate how I can be dragging ass all day long, super exhausted, and then when it’s finally time to for some sweet slumber, I’m wide awake. Nothing is more frustrating than spending two hours in bed trying to fall asleep, knowing I only have five hours before I have to be up. Five hours of sleep has not EVER cut it for me, MS or no MS. On top of making a few necessary changes to my diet such as cutting back on caffeine and sugar, I am thinking of making an appointment to see if I should look into some drugs to help out here. 

I have been doing a little reading on Provigil, and although I would seriously like to stretch myself as far as I can without the aid of any symptom therapies, I am afraid I'm reaching my breaking point. Of course if I'm taking Provigil to keep me more awake and alert in the daytime, then perhaps that will only perpetuate the issue with not sleeping well at night. So maybe I'll have to get myself some sleeping pills too. Ugh. The thought of being on any new drugs, when the "disease modifying" drug I'm on now is beginning to make me feel like an overemotional basket case, isn't too thrilling. Oh decisions, I suck at making them lately.