We all have our vices. Dana's is smoking...mine is laziness. I am the laziest person ever, and as I am getting older it is totally coming back to bite me in the ass. I have put on an astonishing...drum roll please...20+ pounds over the last year (actually, honestly, the last 3-4 months. ew). HOLY HELL. Even before that I was larger than life because of the steroid treatments I have done, which I also found damn near impossible to return to normal afterward. I have been a "bigger" person most of my life, but not life threatening obese or anything. I am not one if those "I'm so fat" girls. But I am one of those "I really wish I looked better and felt less like a manatee in a bathing suit" girls. Around early last year I had a talk with myself and decided that I was going to be happy with where I was in life. I know that everyone has a "resting" place, where if they work really hard, they wont see a whole lot of results, and if they do nothing, they will probably stay where they are. I decided, I'm lazy, and I'm happy, so I chose to do nothing. In mid 2007, I had an attack and was on steroids, just after that I had a horrendous break up, and just after that I got into a new great relationship. I felt a lot of pressure in my previous relationship to "look good". To Impress. To be skinny. So I was constantly worried about how I looked, how hard I worked, and what he/others thought about it. Needless to say, I was a lot self conscience.

Well after getting into my new relationship (which I am currently still in), all of the pressure subsided. My current boyfriend has never told me what not to eat, called me lazy, or put any sort of pressure on me to look any certain kind of way. Well that lack of pressure, while so comforting, has been a contributing factor to the great ballooning of 2008. To which I only blame myself.

I am 24 years old, and it has become quite clear that I have to work to stay mobile now. So, as blogged about before, I joined...yet another fitness center. I feel like I'm that lazy person who joins and then quits gyms. But I just haven't found anything I like, nothing that makes me want to go, and doesn't make me want to stab myself in the throat. So I went for the first time last night. I did a "turbo kick" class, which is an hour long. The gym is a women only gym so there were a vast age range of people in the class. Ranging from the 16 year old high metabolism skinny bitches, to the easily 50+ obese. So I'm thinking, ok, I've got this, I'm somewhere in the middle. Well I gotta tell ya...I didn't have it. I about died 30 minutes in. Not only was I forced to look at myself in the mirror, looking larger than ever, but I also had to watch myself...make an ass out of ...myself, which is borderline cruel and unusual punishment.

So here I am the day after a little sore which was to be expected, but my knees are killing me. I'm a little nervous about going again tonight, but I know it will HAVE to eventually get easier. The older I get, the harder it will be to maintain my health, so I have to make a major stride now in my life to stay mobile. So I will be going to the "fitness center" as often as reasonably possible, not only to show those 16yr olds up, but so that way I can feel good about myself. I think we often for get that while we're living with MS how important physical activity is, I know I did. Working out is really hard for me, because after about 30 minutes of cardio my body heats up and I get instantly fatigued which I'm sure you can relate to. But the class was a little better because I was more focusing on following the instructor as opposed to how much longer until I get to a damn mile on the treadmill. So, I guess what I'm saying is stay mobile. Do it for you. And find something you like, otherwise you WILL give up. Wish me luck.