So my ass has been totally acting up again. The dr. told me to go a month with the Fibersure thing and see how it went. Well it was going pretty well, so I didn't go to my follow up appointment. And being the silly bitch that fate is, wouldn't you know that same day I starting having some mayja issues. So since then its been a real rockin' good time trying to have a normal bowel movement.
Today was no exception. Last night I was all gurgly but it was doable, this morning when I stood up to get out of bed it felt like I was seriously going to shit myself. So after about 3 separate attempts to poop with what felt and looked like ass vomit, I finally had to try to go to work. I however, was terrified to leave the house because I was afraid I'd have one of those sudden, must poop moments, and then have to shit all over the seat in my car. So I was running late to work because of this, I get here and again the second I get out of the car, I have to poop. Bad.
So I walk to work literally having an inner monologue with myself. It went something like this, "ok ass, I'm tired of your shit (giggle to myself on an unexpected pun), lets get to work and have a normal day. deep breaths. get there. for the love of god please do not poop your pants".
I didn't poop my pants. but I did decide that I'm extra super tired of this crap, or lack there of. Its getting way worse, more frequent and more painful. So I'm gonna try the Milk of Magnesium for fun. See how miserable that makes me. And if I don't' feel any better, I'm gonna go back to the dr and tell him to give me some meds. Goody.
Well its been awhile since I've last updated. I gave the fiber, the papaya enzyme a good month to work, and even though there was that one day of hope....I saw no changes. How effing depressing.
Sometimes I wanna I just wanna be like "really...ass problems...c'mon, throw me a bone here". We've been talking a lot about symptoms lately and there are some really shitty ones out there, but sometimes I get really pissed off and bitter that mine all revolve around my asshole. I hate being Fiber conscious, and buying fiber products at the store. I'm not 80 damn it, I'm a pretty attractive chick in my 20's...buying Fiber at the drug store doesn't exactly do much for my self esteem.
I went back to the gastro, and he said he wanted to give me one more Fiber supplement to try. He wants to try this one last thing on the natural route, because, and I quote " I'm too young to start on medication".
While I appreciate his eagerness to keep me off extra medication, and taking my age into account...that doesn't change the fact that I AM, in fact young, and I DO in fact have MS, and I also CANNOT POOP. This is one of the few symptoms that I deal with constantly, and one of the few that I would gladly take medication if I knew it would help.
So needless to say I'm trying a different supplement now, this one is Fiber-sure, which is a powder and I am starting on 1 heaping teaspoon a day. I was also instructed that if I do not have a bowel movement within 48 hrs...to also take milk of magnesium. I am not taking the Benefiber or Papaya Enzyme with this other stuff. So this could be an interesting month...I'm not going to lie...I'm hopeful. But I also fear it will work too well and I will be shitting my pants uncontrollably....
Man oh man oh man. Get this:
I just pooped.
Like a real, normal poop. Now this may be a total TMI update, but Its actually really important.
Its been about two weeks since my doctors visit and I've changed a lot in my diet. I take 3 fiber tablets a morning, as well as 2 papaya enzymes. I also have majorly upped my consumption of fruits and veggies. Although this is just one normal dump in the cycle of a human life...this is the first NORMAL poop in years. There were actual kids and they were effortlessly dropped off at the pool.
So if you're having serious bowel issues, there is hope! I'm not saying I'm going to have grade-A easy poop sessions but the fact that I just had one is a serious bonus. Could run through the streets exclaiming today a national holiday...but will hold onto that dignity.
Yes, I do realize I just told the world the status of my bowels, but damn it I'm proud.
I need a reality show....
Victory!
Well I survived. I got to the Ass Man early in hopes of getting out of there early, however as per usual at the doctors they take for-fucking-ever. So I'm sitting in the room, surrounded by diagram after diagram of colons and intestines and all sorts of other super stuff. The nurse comes in and turns out, she was cool. She chatted me up, and thankfully didn't ask me about all of my symptoms because I wasn't really in the mood to repeat myself 1,000 times (don't they EVER read the effing chart?). So she informs me that I will probably have the Doc as well as a fellowship on my case. Well AWESOME, I felt like saying. Whats better than talking about your asshole and poop with a total stranger...2 TOTAL STRANGERS! Bonus!
So I'm hoping for the poop fairy to swoop in an grant me one wish which would be to just have one totally normal doctor. Well turns out the poop fairy doesn't exist...who knew?! So in walks the fellowship guy....which is actually slightly attractive. Damn it. And instead of playing the shy game, I let him have it. I had already made my symptoms lists before my appointment so I was rapid firing what my average dump is like. He couldn't write fast enough. So then he leaves to consult with the good 'ol doctor. I then wait for about a year for them to come back into the room and in walks this little dude. So not only am I lucky enough to get 2 doctors...but 2 male doctors. O Happy Day. So the doctors asks why I have come in. GREAT! Remember that part about not reading the charts? So I get to rehash my fantastically embarrassing bowel movement fairy tale with these guys for a second time. The doctor is a nice guy...kinda quirky but nice. And the whole time hes there all I can think is , "Please don't put a finger in my ass. Please don't put a finger in my ass.....". So after a chat about my liquid pooh, my college degree, and the weather...doctor says, "Poop Princess, you have IBS". And in a sick way I felt relieved, although not really. I wanted to scream at him, yea no shit (pun intended). P.S. I for see the poop puns never getting old. So deal with it.
He tells me at my age, he wants to take the "natural" route...so take 2 benefiber tablets a day, eat the crap outta some veggies/fruits, and see ya in 4 weeks. And I appreciate the natural route, I do, really...but COME ON! You can't give me a break from my routine of anti-diarrheal's, pepto tablets, gas-x, tums...ect? Really I just paid you a copay for you to tell me to eat fiber? Damn it.
So that's what I'm doing. I am going to eat fiber like its my job. I would say I'm hopeful...but I'd be lying. The reality is I'm stoked that I didn't get a finger or any other probing object up my bunghole, but it still doesn't really tell me that I'm all kinds of healthy. If I had a crystal ball, I bet it would show me a camera up my ass in my future.
