Field Trip 09/28/2009
 
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So I got this flyer in the mail last week from the Providence Brain Institute, where I go to have all my brain needs met. There was a forum dealy thing happening not too far from where I live, and Dr. Stanley Cohan (my specialist) was the speaker. "What Every Patient Should Know About MS" was the title, so I figured what the hell. I registered to attend one of these quite a while back, and didn't end up going, so I figured I might try to make this one. For some reason I felt like it was something I should do, at least once. 

My biggest concern about going to this thing (yep, I like to make mountains out of molehills) was the fact that I figured there would probably not be a many younger people there. Well, that was an understatement. There was like, none. I got there and peaked in the doorway to about ten round tables, filled with older people. And we wonder why there is this idea out there that MS isn't a disease of teenagers and twenty or even thirty somethings? Jesus, it's because we don't show up to anything! Us younger folk need something a little more enticing than a "free lunch" to get our asses out the door. Anyhow I walked in and immediately felt like some sort of a leper, haaahahaha. I'm supposed to be in a room full of people who have the same shitty ass disease that I do, my comrades, but no, I felt completely out of place. I'm sure much of the confusion I saw in the faces of my fellow MSers was in my own head, but I'd say there was definitely some there.  

 
 

So I got this invitational flyer in the mail the other day, from MS ActiveSource which is a sort of educational program run by Biogen Idec, the drug company that produces Avonex. In early April there will be an "educational event" in which my specialist Stanley Cohan will be speaking, along with author of MS and Your Feelings, (which I liked quite a bit) Allison Shadday. For some reason the thought of going to an event like this sort of freaks me out a little. If I knew that I could go and not have to talk to anyone if I didn't want to, then I think it would be great. If I was totally miserable and I knew that there would be a way for me to politely leave the building without making an ass of myself, then I would definitely go. What if I show up to this thing and I'm the only one under the age of fifty? 

Okay, so they are also trying to entice people with a free dinner. The whole dinner thing is a bit of a turn off for me. I either want foie gras or french fries, but I'm sure the meal with be some sort of unhappy medium. What would really bring in the masses would be an open bar. Who's planning this event anyway? 

On a more serious note, I have these back and forth feelings on what is positive for me in terms of learning about and dealing with MS, and what is not. I want to be an "active" participant in my disease and learn as much as I can, but going the route of "educational events" leave me sort of uneasy. I suppose this could be a little of the hermit in me, coupled with my fear of what other MS patients in the room may be like. I am selfishly afraid of going and seeing people who aren't doing as seemingly well with their disease, and just feeling deflated by it. I seriously need to get over this way of thinking, and perhaps this would help me push through that. 

I went ahead and registered for the event just in case. I sort of have this dare with myself to go. I think something like this is worth trying at least once, and the fact that my specialist is speaking along with Allison Shadday, gives it a little more pull. I suppose the worst that could happen is I go and it ends up being butt loads of propaganda trying to boost up Avonex. Or maybe I will come home feeling a little more confident or inspired somehow. I just don't know.  

Either way, I have until April 8th to decide.