You may (or may not) have noticed I've been hiding. I've been hinting at some other larger issues that have been going on, ones I have/had no desire to talk about. But alas, this wouldn't be the place I want to create if I keep hiding from you. So lets just get it out there, rip the band-aid. I have now also been diagnosed with Colitis.Ew gross, embarrassing, currently searching for a rock to hide under. A big one that can cover me forever, hide my embarrassment, my face, and persevere the smallest bit of dignity I still have left.

I feel like I'm starting over again. New diagnosis, again diagnosed by a shitty doctor who hasn't told me a damn thing. All that I know is that I've spend the last 4 days in the hospital. All I know is that it feels like I'm dying and so far, no one has told me why.

I have a serious distaste for steroids...guess what the treatment for a Colitis attack is....steroids. I feel defeated. I'm angry again. And I'm pretty sure the steroids last night made me go a little crazy. I shit you not, I heard voices, and felt like I wasn't in control of my body. It was terrifying. I didn't sleep last night. I have finally been able to eat/drink without vomiting for the first time in over a week but I still feel too weak to do anything. I dont even have it within me to bitch about the two different E.R.s I was in, in the past week. Its hard to breathe.

I am being dramatic, yes I know.

I'm having a really hard time staying on top of the meds, 9 pills a day. Plus, the steroids for now. Am highly considering giving up on the trial. Just can't keep my life/ar appointments straight right now.

Will get back into blogging once I stop feeling sorry for myself.