 December 1st marked one year of my new life with MS. I remember waking up on the cold December morning and driving the two minutes it took me to get to the hospital, so that I could pick up the MRI report from my appointment a week earlier. At first I confusedly read through the findings, and then got to the bottom of the pages where I saw the words "most likely a demyelinating disease/MS." Well there it was, in a nutshell. The confirmation I didn't want. While I wasn't completely shocked, I was devastated. It's a year later now, and I feel like I'm learning to live with this. I am still pissed some days, still sad some days, and still surprised some days. My favorites days however, are the ones where I am living my life without MS streaming in the background. It's been a whirlwind of a year, and I have to say I'm glad to have this first one down. It's been tough and I've surprised myself, and I think I know myself better now than ever. I feel more confident in myself than I ever thought I could one year ago. I am so grateful for the people I've met on this journey so far, for the people I know aren't going anywhere, and for the little moments that make this life amazing. It's been one hell of a ride, and it's so far from over. During my last visit with the specialist, I wasn't surprised to learn that I'm having some issues with high blood pressure. I can feel my own heart pounding out of my chest quite often these days, but it isn't so disturbing as when I am sitting still, or trying to get to sleep. My migraines have been tenfold lately, and unfortunately a new medication (Maxalt) that the doc gave me to try didn't work out so well. I have an RX for Topomax which I need to have filled, and am hoping will help get the migraines under control. Anything less than one migraine a week would be amazing to me. I woke up this morning, very early for work, and promptly fell into my closet. Not realizing the issue I continued walking out into the living room, doing the drunk dance. While I had thought I'd experienced vertigo before, what had been more visual for me, rather than physical, I'd say this was either the real deal, or something quite different. I couldn't move without falling over, so that was awesome. Needless to say, I was scared shitless. I had nightmares of failing my finals and not making it to work again for god knows how long. I went back to bed and, and with some difficulty getting to sleep, woke up three hours later, vertigo free. I am a bit concerned that the high blood pressure, worsening migraines, and the vertigo could be intertwined, but who the hell knows? I see my specialist again in just a month, so hopefully we can figure out what's happening. I'm so, so thankful that whatever happened this morning decided to go away however. On a happy note, I had an amazing Thanksgiving at home. My boyfriend and I decided to finally have our own Thanksgiving, which would spare us from having to make anywhere from 2-4 stops in order to fulfill all our family obligations. We left the door open for anyone who wanted to stop by, ate lots, drank enough, and had so much fun. I got our Christmas tree the very next day, in an attempt to keep my holiday spirits up. This time last year we were knee deep in stress, so this year we are grateful for the peace of mind we do have. Our dog is still alive and kicking, I can actually feel my legs, we have a new home that we've grown to love,and the bills are payed, even if just barely. Life is alright. |
